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Note: In September of 2018 I stopped playing Hearthstone regularly. I may occasionally play it as inspired, but I have no desire to put in the hours required to give it my best and so I've moved on to other things.
Note 2: (August 2019) I'm back and playing again!
In March of 2014 I felt invincible. After hitting legend for the first time, I joined a Sunday tournament and, despite knocking out chakki in the first round, I was swiftly eliminated in round 2. The following week I joined the tourney again, and this time I went all the way to the finals and took home second place for $150. The week after that I took it one step further and won the whole thing, earning the right to be featured in a King of the Hill live streamed event with reynad and tidesoftime. I felt like this was just the beginning. I was beating top ranked players. Finished the March 2014 season in the top 100 on NA, and firebat even named a deck after me. I was regularly rubbing elbows with Hearthstone royalty and it felt as natural as can be.
Then when my big moment arrived and I was facing off vs reynad in NESL King of the Hill #8, something happened. With the spotlight upon me and I was hoping to put my best foot forward, but my internet kept cutting out and I felt like I was ruining the production of the event. I later learned they had to switch to watching reynad only and guessing as to what cards I was holding. I won the first matched but then watched as the next three slipped out of my fingers while I felt on the verge of victory the entire time. Afterward I felt like my confidence was shattered. Between my internet connection and my inability to find the road to victory despite coming so close, I just felt "not up to speed," not good enough, and like I didn't belong.
A short while later Hearthstone came out on the iPad and I switched from being a tryhard PC gamer to a casual iPad player. Still loving the game and playing it almost daily, but generally believing I was never good enough to be more than a casual player.
Then, four years later, in April 2018, a chance conversation changed my Hearthstone trajectory once more. I walked in to the kitchen overhearing my roommate's talking about Hearthstone as one of them exclaimed that I was really good because I was top 500 legend at the time. I quickly corrected him, pointing out how I was only top 500 because it was early in the season and how I actually sucked at the game. I must've given that explanation a hundred times before as people would remark on occasion how cool it was that I was high legend for brief periods of time, but this time, when I told the story of how that rank was an illusion and that deep down I really sucked at the game, something rang false. My father had passed away just a few weeks earlier and one thing I remembered most fondly about him is how he always believed in me and told me I could do anything. And when those words exited my lips on that fateful day, it was almost like I owed it to him to stop holding myself back with self-doubt.
So I decided to believe in myself once more, and see how high I could go. In April I peaked at #11 legend, my highest ever. In May I peaked at #9, and was overjoyed on stream when I saw that sexy single digit number for the first time, but still didn't feel like I belonged that high and never got there again the rest of the month. Now here we are in June where I hit #1 legend for the first time, and promptly reclaimed it both times I tried.
Self-doubt is a hell of a drug, and it can hold us back in ways we don't even realize once we've become so accustomed to its presence that we don't even question the beliefs we hold about ourselves. I want this stream to be a bastion of positivity and learning to believe in yourself. You don't have to be the best in order to become the best, you just have to believe where others doubt and allow yourself to feel like you belong wherever it is you want to be.
Tips are always appreciated and never necessary. You sharing your time with me is already the greatest gift I could receive. My goal is to one day be able to make a living solely off content creation, so your tips will one day allow me to put 100% of my work focus on stuff you care about.
Best Tippers:
Gremio: $20 Magnusholmf: $15 paulhalford11: $10
While enjoying my stream feel free to ask me any questions you might have about hearthstone, finding winning mindsets / empowering perspectives, relationships, personal development, energy work, the Law of Attraction, etc.
I'm a certified life coach who's been doing work in the spiritual and personal development realm since 2007, so I'd love to help you come to a greater understanding about yourself or life as we chill out and enjoy some Hearthstone together.